While I was in the hospital post suicide attempt, I distinctly remember this brief interaction I had with my friend. I was given an hour to be on a “supervised outing” and somehow we began discussing religion and Gods, which left me a little defensive because I always had my reservations about organized religion. Nonetheless, the discussion continued while we were sitting outside the concrete walls of my mental health holding cell.
I asked, “Why do you believe in Allah?” My friend responded with something like… “Because we are His children and He’s always looking out for us whether you believe it or not. Everyone needs something to believe in that keeps us hopeful.”
If you asked me then, I would’ve shrugged my shoulders and called it bullshit. At the time, I felt like everyone in my life was hanging me on a string and leaving my soul to dry. I felt dead inside anyways.
Now 2.5 years have passed and I couldn’t agree more.
Hope is a magical kingdom and believing in it is your admission ticket.
It’s the common denominator between all humans, no matter who or what you believe in. It keeps us alive when we implode and crumble in the worst situations. Sorry Disney.
I still don’t believe in organized religion but I can confirm that I’m not an atheist either. I have always been religious and spiritual. Shortly after that conversation, I looked to my inner child and remembered that I used to pray to Angels before bed. Now I give my trust and faith to the infinite universe. I believe in the galaxy, the stars, and the gravity that surrounds and influences us.
I hope that this conversation can give you the same peace it brought me when I was completely drained and hopeless.
Believing in anything, having faith, and staying hopeful is an entirely different unknown. It’s a less scary unknown. It’s the one that reminds us it’s not completely your fault for everything “bad” that happens. In fact, whatever that is seemingly “bad” is only another hurdle that will bring you closer to what is meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. I know… I couldn’t end this off being any more ambiguous but take a deep breath and try letting go for a short while.
Be the observer, and not the creator. It’s someone else’s job for now.