Dear weathered soul

Dear weathered and withering soul: You may be exhausted but you are not alone. I have spent years trying to climb all the enormous mountains that feel impossible at the time but I made it. So dear and precious soul, do not give up. It does get better even if it doesn’t seem like it now.

Hah, it does get better? I bet you wouldn’t believe it now because I surely didn’t either.

I thought it was one of those uppity cheery quotes that only recovered or vaguely tormented people could buy into. What would they know about pain right? Maybe they don’t. Even someone like me, who has spent many years trying to adjust to all the changes that come with living with bipolar disorder, may not know your pain. Let me repeat: I don’t know your pain. But I do know that my pain – just like yours – has brought me to my knees too.

Side-by-side, we have both been kneeling in front of our minds hoping for a calmer mind even though we have two different interpretations of pain.

In this, we are both praying for brighter days ahead so that the depression, anxiety, and voices would just stop.

Stop.

Stop.

It doesn’t ever stop.

Our experiences and lives have been permanently changed because our minds function a little differently but that doesn’t make us dysfunctional people.

And I understand that sometimes that is the exact problem. We are living a functional life even though our minds are processing our emotions differently than others. This chaotic difference forces us to appear content, and even happy, when we are not.

But trust me when I tell you that after you overcome this battlefield, after all the slipping and sliding between sanity and insanity, you will find your true peace of mind.

I am thankful to be here today, and maybe provide you with some love and support because I have not given into any of my impulses to commit suicide lately. Sometimes I have bad days and where I do have suicidal thoughts, but I have learned to acknowledge them, then ignore them. And I can ignore them because I remember what insanity felt like.

xoxo,
Joanne

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