The name of the game has been Patience. I’ve been radio silent, not because I’ve had nothing to say, but because I’ve had too much to say. Sometimes speaking out when it involves your place of work is not so wise, so better silent than making a big mistake. Instead, I followed what a wise woman once said:
Patience is not the ability to simply wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.
Behaving patiently I’ve done. Behaving patiently by doing as I’m told to wait and wait and wait for almost 5 months now to return to work as an adult that I wish to be again. I’ve handed in multiple types of paperwork, tests, you name it. Yet I am still here waiting patiently.
A lot of people have asked me about routine and truthfully, I have none.
Behaving patient includes balance and healing. Whether it’s a day full of busy work at home or napping for a few hours – that’s healing for my soul. If routine is your jam then go for it but personally it was too much pressure for me to stay on a strict schedule. My only goal was this: complete one fulfilling task a day whether I felt like it or not! Productivity is necessary for the soul because being a blob at home is just more depressing. We all have “worker bee” sides to ourselves and engaging in that helps.
Healing is a matter of baby steps – if you asked me how I felt a week ago, I’d melt and break down into tears – not because I was depressed, but because I felt hopeless.
Feeling depressed, anxious, hopeless and all is absolutely ok and understandable. You don’t need to apologize to anyone for that. Telling you that there is light at the end of the tunnel probably isn’t all that helpful when you’re waiting like me too… but hey, better lying than nothing (technically not a lie but it sure feels like one)! I had no timeline of when this would stop and counted month after month, hoping I’d finally be back at work again. Now it finally feels like this almost 5 month nightmare of Patience is over and there will be a fresh and squeaky clean beginning.
Like always, you’re not alone and you’ll get there soon too. Scream into a pillow if you need to – also been there done that!