Bipolar Heavyweight Champion

I’m about 5 foot and 2 inches high and 110 pounds strong with a bipolar heavyweight championship belt on me. Nothing is stopping me now and I’m working at full force, trying to get my life back in order. I’m stuck in the dark with a sledgehammer that I’m pounding down on to try and open a door again, and again, and again… hoping that one might have a sliver of light on the other side of it. There is nothing.

It feels like I have nothing to show even with my bipolar heavyweight championship belt because, well, I can’t show my damn belt in the dark.

I’ve come so far from where I was and mentally I’m way stronger. That’s something that can’t be taken away from me and I know that. I’m just not going anywhere far in life right now because it’s been on hold (if you’ve been following then you know I’ve been on sick leave for a very long time now). I’m trying to climb out of this nasty muddy trench but I’m like a puppy with soft paws who can’t dig their way to get out. I can’t wish my life away or snap my fingers and suddenly, bam, I’m in a whole new world. So what do I do?

I have no answer. This. Sucks. And. Smells. Like. Rotten. Egg. Farts. That’s all!

I hate my life. Well, OK, I don’t hate my life but I hate my situation and so please, let’s not all raise our glasses too high to cheers now shall we? I had previously written a blog post about patience and staying patient and how we hold ourselves while being patient. So I’m still doing all that I’m just running out of options and wearing thin. I’m really just venting.

I don’t have any advice to give this week except this: Always keep your words soft and sweet in case you have to eat them.

If you’re stuck in a debacle like me – you against a big big world where you’re at someone else’s beck and call despite it being unfair – please make sure you remember that. You wouldn’t want to make an astronomical and possibly expensive mistake, whether it’s in monetary value or not. Wait to make your move after it’s all tidied and settled, wrapped with a pretty bow.

xoxo,
Joanne

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