The Power of Saying NO: Learning to set healthy boundaries

There is some wisdom in being a “Yes” person, where you give every opportunity a chance to try and dip your toes in, so to speak. I’ve found myself saying “No” to some experiences more often than not lately for a number of reasons, but the main one being that I am learning to set boundaries for myself. Of course I’ll push my boundaries every once in a while but I have to feel safe to do this – I can’t just jump in blindly to a situation because that’s not who I am and I am not apologizing for this. I have friends who can throw themselves into any situation and succeed but I’m learning that that’s not me….. and repeat after me…. that’s A-OK! 

Feeling warm and safe before running into a situation head first is something essential to me that I can’t live without and if that’s you, you should not feel guilty about it because we’re all different after all. 

We’re not all risk takers and that doesn’t make you any less, and in fact, I’d highly encourage you to try and embrace it! As I’m learning to say “no” to opportunities that push me outside of my window of tolerance, I’ve become more inclined to say “yes” to other opportunities because I’m spending my energy wisely; I’m not just creating anxious environments that I’m forcefully pushing myself into because the friend beside me can do it.

Instead, I’m spending time building comfortable conditions in my physical and mental space to make room and slowly ease into new experiences. This. Does. Not. Make. You. Any. Less. Of. A. Good-Fun-Exciting. Person. 

Comparison is really the thief of joy and an unnecessary use of energy because you are YOU and that’s the real beauty of it… all your good, bad, and mediocrely decent being that you are! I can honestly say I’ve been really enjoying life since accepting this truth about me, which could explain why I haven’t been writing. I wanted to create content that mattered though, and reassuring you RIGHT NOW that saying “no” is okay, means a lot to me. 

After all, you only live life once and why waste it on people and experiences that don’t add value to your life and create angst and anxiety instead? 

The truth in this, quite honestly, makes me sad because I have had people push me out of their life for this very reason. I did not add value to their life and only created sadness and anxiety (apparently, but seriously?)… and again, this is nothing to be taken personally. Accept it for what it is and move on. 

Our lives work in ebbs and flows with lots of grey bits in between and not everyone will fit in with the direction we’re travelling in at every moment of it.

People will come and go, and I want you to feel empowered enough to say “YES” when you’re ready and “NO” when it does not add joy or value to your life – yet – because that doesn’t mean it won’t be valuable down the road. You really just have to learn how to massage and maneuver your circumstances so you’re finally comfortable to jump into that new experience whatever it is! Life becomes frigging magical after. But remember… saying “no” where it matters so you’re not harbouring more anxiety that you already have to cope with is important to get to a point where you can say “yes” again. There is no timer ticking that says when you have to go, go, go. You work on your time. Got it?  You do YOU! 

xoxo,
Joanne

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