My eating-body image-weight loss problem

Starving myself began as an innocent affair that continued for months and months. First I felt nauseous from my medications, then I barely ate because I was rapid cycling*, and then my stomach shrunk (*see below for definition). I lost a tonne of weight and almost everyone complimented me on this weight loss, so I…

Affirmation in illness

We’re all chasing after affirmation in one way or another. Social media doesn’t help when we’re overthinking the perfect picture or caption on Instagram or Facebook. The need for affirmation brews in our minds just a little more with chronic illnesses like bipolar disorder. Simply put, we want answers and sometimes those answers don’t exist….

Bipolar and Burnout

I survived an 8 year relationship with a man while I was growing into my journey with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It was rough. It started when we were 16 years old, and we managed it a little better year after year. At some point, my ex-boyfriend became exhausted from caring and coping with…

Dear medications

Sorting out medications in the world of mental health is difficult because there are many “new”, or “second generation”, medications that are marked with a big fat question mark. No one really knows how they work, and you’re blindly creating medication cocktails based on your own history and reaction to them, and other people’s experiences…

Hello Bipolar

I often think about the good ol’ days when I lived with major depressive disorder (MDD/depression) instead of bipolar disorder. Last week, I spoke about grieving over the person I lost a couple years ago, which you can read here. It feels like breaking up with my ex sometimes; the hurt and pain doesn’t just…

Reality vs fantasy

At times, I’m aware that I’m not always “with it”; I acknowledge that what I hear and see are sometimes  voices and hallucinations. Other times, it’s impossible to pull me back from a delusion into reality. This is the space between reality and fantasy that I live in. I begin to treat life like a…

Growing through grief

Some of us may remember learning the five stages of grief identified by the very honourable psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Grief extends beyond death and dying; there doesn’t have to be a physical death in order for something to feel dead to you. For example, I felt completely dead last week so there was no new…

Bell Let’s Honestly Talk

Bell Let’s Talk mental health campaign takes place all over the interwebs on January 25th. I had to maintain a level of namaste when I scrolled by #BellLetsTalk. For a girl with little patience, I got through it by casually humming to the beat of my own voice chanting, “If you don’t have anything nice to…

Ignorance is bliss

I preach education all the time. I  believe that educating others about mental health, bipolar disorder, and suicide can greatly reduce suicide rates. AND YES, let’s never forget how important this is. But I’m talking about being hypervigilant about our own signs and symptoms. We’re often told, “You’re over thinking it.” right? … So are…

The common denominator

While I was in the hospital post suicide attempt, I distinctly remember this brief interaction I had with my friend. I was given an hour to be on a “supervised outing” and somehow we began discussing religion and Gods, which left me a little defensive because I always had my reservations about organized religion. Nonetheless, the discussion continued…

Frosted windows & Suicidal thoughts

The reality of winter really sets in when the holidays are over. Suddenly we see snow as this hideous yellow-brown colour instead of glistening with sparkles, and the sun just doesn’t shine anymore. And no I don’t mean the crack between your cheeks. I’m talking about winter and how all its gloom and doom reminds…

Pay it forward – write, write, write

I’ve spent almost half the year sharing my past and present stories. If you’ve been afraid to share yours, I hope this blog post will give you the courage to open up in the New Year. There is nothing more powerful than storytelling and helping others feel less alone by sharing your own experiences. I strongly encourage…