Better at being Bipolar

Much like life right now, I’m writing to you guys without a “topic” to discuss, or any direction for that matter. I’m writing just because. And I’m realizing that maybe the most courageous act I’m accomplishing right now is simply letting go. I’ve been walking through life without any real intent or destination because I’m…

A Prisoner to Pills

“Things get better.” and they do… they just never go away though, at least not without a price. You can’t run from who you are, but you can hope that the shit storm you’re in “gets better” so it’s an easier pill to swallow. As I’ve slowly recovered from my most recent suicide attempt four…

The “Complain” Train

Misery loves company so it’s easy to be caught up in a cyclone of negativity, especially on social media. This sparked my attention while I was on Reddit – someone asked other users to share their positive happy endings living with a mental health illness in the Bipolar Disorder group. It became crystal clear how…

Mental freedom

There’s a constant buzzing in my head that doesn’t go away. It’s not the steady buzz from cute furry bumble bees, it’s not white noise, and it’s not the usual voices I hear. They’re just conversations between people and myself. For example, I’ll walk by someone with nice shoes and wonder to myself where she…

Dear weathered soul

Dear weathered and withering soul: You may be exhausted but you are not alone. I have spent years trying to climb all the enormous mountains that feel impossible at the time but I made it. So dear and precious soul, do not give up. It does get better even if it doesn’t seem like it…

Beyond hospital walls

Managing a chronic illness outside of institutions like hospitals aren’t easy. Every single moment of your life is touched when your journey with a chronic illness like bipolar disorder begins or flares up again. There isn’t a time machine that will zap you back to where you were before it. And the truth is that…

My eating-body image-weight loss problem

Starving myself began as an innocent affair that continued for months and months. First I felt nauseous from my medications, then I barely ate because I was rapid cycling*, and then my stomach shrunk (*see below for definition). I lost a tonne of weight and almost everyone complimented me on this weight loss, so I…

Bipolar and Burnout

I survived an 8 year relationship with a man while I was growing into my journey with major depressive disorder and anxiety. It was rough. It started when we were 16 years old, and we managed it a little better year after year. At some point, my ex-boyfriend became exhausted from caring and coping with…

Dear medications

Sorting out medications in the world of mental health is difficult because there are many “new”, or “second generation”, medications that are marked with a big fat question mark. No one really knows how they work, and you’re blindly creating medication cocktails based on your own history and reaction to them, and other people’s experiences…

Bell Let’s Honestly Talk

Bell Let’s Talk mental health campaign takes place all over the interwebs on January 25th. I had to maintain a level of namaste when I scrolled by #BellLetsTalk. For a girl with little patience, I got through it by casually humming to the beat of my own voice chanting, “If you don’t have anything nice to…

Pay it forward – write, write, write

I’ve spent almost half the year sharing my past and present stories. If you’ve been afraid to share yours, I hope this blog post will give you the courage to open up in the New Year. There is nothing more powerful than storytelling and helping others feel less alone by sharing your own experiences. I strongly encourage…

Are we too sensitive?

Does our language really matter? Are we just too sensitive now? A lot of the information that is fed to us is exacerbated in the media and sensationalized (ex: Clinton v. Trump v. Bernie Sanders) so apparently that is why Amurica isn’t phased when he grabs her by the pussy. Unfortunately, I am now learning that…